apples and apples.

I’m trying to figure out why this is so difficult now. Is it because I live with my fiance? Is it because I’m not working? (I start again tomorrow). I used to be able to lose weight so fast. I used to be at 115. Now I just feel like it’s hopeless.

I’m only following 150 Fitspo/Weight loss blogs. I want to follow AT LEAST 300-500 more. REBLOG THIS and I’ll follow you!!! :)

Today.

All I had today was a bagel (with vegetable spread and provolone -_-) and two huge pieces of pizza. Oh and some cookie dough my friend bought. Hell.

This is why I hate being social. Social situations mean food. I hung out with my friend all day, whom i adoreee, but social situations always push me to eat things I know I could stay away from if I was alone..

I just want to lose this. I figure if I never eat if I’m by myself and I only eat as much as others do when I’m with them, I will lose, right? I mean the majority of the time I SHOULD have complete control.

I haven’t updated this in so long.

I need to. This is what helped me get to 115 last march. I can do this. I can go all the way and stick with it. I know I can, I just need to stop letting my mind convince me to throw it all out the window when there’s food around.

If I can do this, I will be happy. I’m happiest when I can fit into the smallest clothes. The smallest numbers. I’m happiest when my stomach is as flat as it can be. I NEED to remember these things. I will do this.

God knows what I ate today. Tomorrow, I’m turning this all around- for good.

I added an apple to my dinner because that yogurt was pretty plain.. so 565-600. :( Numbers creeping up there, ugh.

I’m pretty proud of myself today. Okay, yesterday night I binged (on rice cakes, grapes, and cheese) but purged it all up. I weighed 121 in the morning, so it didn’t do harm to my weight thank god. I don’t want to be doing that though. I know how harmful purging is to your body. So today, I’ve been restricting. Drinking a lot of water to keep me full, and eating every couple hours something small.

I’ve had two small muffins from a just add water muffin mix -260

A morningstar farms bacon strip - 30

A piece of Sara Lee wheatbread - 45

and I will have my honey Chobani greek yogurt for dinner - 150

:) 485.

I just want to get there. I’m so tired of waiting. I know I can do this. It’s not hard to say you don’t want food or you’re not hungry. I can do it.

I’ve been so anxious lately.

I’ve been binging a lot the past few days. New start.. again.  Probably at 130 now. I’m scared. I’m scared this will never go away. I’m scared I’ll never get to where I want.

What the.

So, you know how I thought I had gone back down to 125. something? Well, now I’ve been stuck at 127.2 the past few days. I weigh myself at the same time, I’ve been eating under, AND filling my calories with healthy things, so I should be losing, but nooo. But I won’t give in to temptation. It can’t stay this way forever. I can do this, damn it.